Some of my readers may have noticed I had a rather bad day yesterday and posted a rather upsetting item….I have deleted the offending post and can report that I feel much calmer today. This cartoon from Sane, the mental health charity, expresses well the feelings I had.
I usually control my feelings quite well but I think I was tired and despondent to the point of wondering why I still existed with this anxiety and depression. We didn’t go to my daughter’s home to see our Grandchildren so it was a lose/lose situation all round.
I was very much in the same mood last year, but it happened earlier then. I visited my GP the following February (2012) and she referred me to the mental health unit for counselling. I also joined a walking group and had a 3 month course of activity at a gym. This was OK except for the fact that I started to be very anxious about going on holiday and we had to actually return from our holiday in Wales because I was so upset. I joined a charity group called Anxiety UK, a very helpful organisation that had helped my daughter when she suffered from social anxiety some years ago. I was referred to a counsellor who helped me to plan for my holidays and to include rest and relaxation as well as the practical tasks of shopping for supplies and cleaning out the caravan. This was excellent and we managed two more holidays in Norfolk and in London this year…I had my moments, but we stayed for the whole time we had planned and visited lots of interesting and beautiful places.
November came and at last I heard from the Hospital about an appointment….this wasn’t the start of the counselling but an assessment of my needs. I was already receiving CBT so I asked for emotional counselling and was told that I would be referred and would have to go on another waiting list!
Eventually, my next appointment came in December and I was quite relieved to find out that the counsellor was someone who had worked with me before about five years ago when I first retired. He was a sensible and pleasant person who I had some really deep discussions with…..on the third visit I had received a letter from my school, the contents of which made me feel suicidal and so he handed me over to the psychiatric department and I ended up as an inpatient for 10 days (In 2007). This was a very surreal experience in itself…quite upsetting really because there is always someone who is suffering more than you….a few people were convinced that they knew me from years ago but I later found out ‘on the grapevine’ that they had all had ECT treatment which had erased some of their memory.
So, it was with relief that I made an appointment for January 2013 BUT I only get six therapy sessions….just enough time to ‘open a can of worms’ and then shut it again!! I will then be directed to somewhere like a Women’s Centre for counselling after that. Well I’ve waited since February and at least I’ll be getting some help! Meanwhile I shall go to see Mel, my CBT therapist on Thursday and tie up the loose ends of the holiday therapy and maybe see her again after the six weeks NHS therapy.
So, you can see that I have had very mixed emotions over the past few weeks and this is what probably caused the ballistic activity on Sunday but I’m feeling much calmer now after DH talked with me and brought me a cup of tea in bed…WOW, what luxury! I’m now looking forward to welcoming my children and grandchildren on Christmas Day….hope you all have a wonderful time with those you love over the festive season. If you’ve read so far, thank you for your patience!