CRACK…..

…..the day I saw the dawn breaking :/

My dawn lamp had lit up and the beeper was sounding softly…..7am? Was this real or was it all a terrible dream? It was true…today was the day the plumber was to arrive at 8am to start fitting a new bathroom. My pink pyjamas were all that separated me from the chill of the house as I stumbled down to the ground floor shower room to wash and dress. The evening before, darling DH had sanitized the main bathroom ready for the work to start and so it was ‘off limits’, hence the stumble from second to ground floor.  How, you may ask, can someone who can’t usually get out of bed until later in the morning get up at 7am? Out of fear, shame and embarrassment! :/  I don’t like having ‘strangers’ in my home as it is my last refuge of privacy from a world that I perceive is always over-interested in everything I do….I’m getting better now, as I can actually manage to serve a beverage and biscuits to said ‘strangers’. I don’t know why anyone should be remotely interested in ANYTHING I do, but I always feel that eyes are everywhere looking, rejecting, judging. I’ve always been ‘shy’ but this is a kind of crippling feeling that spoils my enjoyment of most things…the special times in life the most. It’s quite hard remembering all that CBT training when you’re feeling nauseous and wondering whether you can cope.

As I settled down to breakfast, DH thought we might sit in the dark and watch dawn break but, forever the killjoy, I insisted it was much too miserable in the dark and turned on the lights. Even so, it was quite good to be watching it together through the artificial light and when evening came DH was sitting in the dark and we watched a twinkling planet and the new moon appearing and disappearing from behind the scudding clouds.

Well, the plumber came on time and went and at last my bathroom renovation had started….well worth getting up at the unearthly hour for the prospect of the bathing and showering pleasures to come. 🙂

Author: irenefitz

Retired teacher and silver surfer. x

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